Toast It So

It just sorta happened.

In the midst of, if I’m willing to be completely honest, one of the hardest personal conversations of my life, a ray of hope was presented. I was discussing with my wife the exact nature of my various financial miscues and my very obvious and apparent inability to find sustainable work. In what I had assumed was a bout of exasperation, she asked me what I would do if money were no object. I told her, and she called “Bullshit”. Then she completely laid out the plan, including all of the things that I knew would be “sacrifices” (and a few I hadn’t thought of yet), and how we would handle them. She- very angrily, I might add- pointed out that she had been suggesting this course of action for years… which of course she had. But until that moment I hadn’t really heard her. Or maybe I did, but was too scared (or still in active addiction and potentially dissociation, who knows, who cares) to consider the viability of the option.

But then I did.

And now I am.

And so this is a brand new way to face the morning. I think it’s hope? Maybe? Anticipation? Not sure. Willing to explore further to learn more.

That this all occurred on my Grampa’s birthday is kinda fitting.